Jingle Bells Are For Lovers

-Tiana

I'm just a girl and I'm sick of waiting under the mistletoe

My Favorite Intersection

One week ago this image would have made me burst into tears. The frustratedFTHISwhatdoIdo kind.
But now?
Now it makes me smile and has become the perfect descriptor of my last couple of weeks. Seeing it made me smile and know that the "aha" moments I've had were really "aha-s" and not just things I tricked myself into believing.
I had a serious tug-of-war battle between accepting the fateful move to LA or flipping the script and going for it all in Portland. Both had great opportunities full of potential for me to find, create, grab, and run with. Both had pros and cons lists with the EXACT SAME number of pros and cons. Both were far from home. Both had boys I hadn't met yet. Both could fail miserably.
After much debate, prayer, and input from those around me I finally figured out that there isn't ALWAYS a right and a wrong choice. Sometimes there is just a choice and you have to make it regardless of what could have been waiting behind curtain #2.

And then I realized this! [I know, I know...I had a day of genius]

This...that you know what? How laughable is all my stress and scrutiny! How funny that I really think I have that much control. Sure, I've got the ability to choose and to create...but to a point. Am I really so large and in charge that I believe one small choice is going to be the defining moment of the rest of my life? That I can get in the way of God's plan for my life? HA!! Silly girl...

And after I laughed at myself guess what happened...I started to breathe again. It was a lovely breath too.

And so now I realize (as I'm sure someone else has done and written really articulate, scientific, and inspired novels about) that one way or another...I'll get there. Where ever there even is...I'll get there because I have to. Because all of that is already planned out for me I just gotta live it and soak it in and be the best at whatever is in front of me.

Tiana

I'm just a girl going places

sweet darlings.

T, your last post has got me thinking.

i really love the einstein quote! somethings gotta change. we want new results. we want to improve. i like it.

it is a time for change.

a sweet inspired woman told me i needed to watch this video a couple months ago when i was down in the dumps. it touched me. it reminded me to hope. when i watched it again yesterday i thought of you girls and where we are at, i knew i had to share.

i love you.

and things are only going to get better.

"some blessings come soon. some don't come til late. and some don't come til heaven."

Desiree

i'm just a girl and i'm gunna keep on walking.

Insanity

For I do not do the good I want to do, 

but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

Romans 7:19

Time after time after time too. Like a wild animal with no ability to reason or feel emotion or learn from experience...actually even unintelligent wild animals learn not to touch the fire twice, damn!

I'm laughing as I write this but seriously though. You have three degrees girl, you know some stuff, lived some life, learned some things. 

what. is. the. deal?!

I know what is right and wrong and I know what kind of person I truly am so why do I keep doing exactly what I don't want to do even after specifically pointing it out and mentally (okay fine sometimes out loud) telling myself, "NO!"?

It's not my voice I'm hearing when I indulge such desires but it's deception disguised as my own. I Listen which is what turns the accountability on me. Especially because I know better and don't want this behavior for my life. 

Is it deep-rooted psychological issues coming out to play the only way they're being allowed? A cry for attention? Insecurities I'm not facing? Probably. 

Right now though I don't have the cash for a spot on a stiff chase lounge to work all that stuff out so I need to continue to seek out the only counselor I'll ever truly need and take this issue at the face value I can afford. I'm allowing sinful thoughts to become my own and act upon them. The end. 

Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. 

I'm taking that slap in the face and using it. Thanks Albie.

-Tiana

I'm just a girl and I don't like to listen sometimes

No Scrubs

"You don't need a man...you need a champion."

-Felipe; Eat, Pray, Love

-Tiana

I'm just a girl who likes to win

when my world will stop spinning

crap.

well i give up.

-Desiree

i'm just a girl, and i'm just going to have to stop watching love movies.

I Think I Can[t]

An ode to Des' love for guerilla art and just what the doctor ordered to keep me focused.

7 days to get in shape, 3 to fall back out...

1 step forward, 2 steps back...

A second on your lips, a lifetime on your hips...

Why is absolutely everything so backwards? I know we're not supposed to know and we never WILL know certain 'why's' or 'why not's' but like...come on man. I enjoy shabby chic and design elements that don't belong together just as much as the next creative nerd but leave the funky juxtapositions for photoshoots, please!

I guess, just like always, you gotta keep doing that Thomas the Train thang. I want to give up but the deviant little child up there and my bills say I can't.

Uphill battles are good for your butt anyway.

-Tiana

I'm just a girl and I got buns of steel

Cupid's Corner

Sorry for hogging this but only the strong survive.
haha :)

I started a new devotion plan today...I chose one not even specifically tailored to me but just SOMEthing to get me started on a regular reading plan because like so many things, I clearly cannot do this on my own.

Today's reading was on the harlot Joanna and the story I've heard a bunch of times...you know, she was the town hoochie mama and stalked Jesus for the perfect moment to sneak attack him and wash his feet in expensive perfume. 2011 version.
Anyway, it's a great story to show His compassion and love and that you can never stray too far–He will always love you. I can identify with being a sinner but I don't have a brothel on my resume so this story has never truly hit home for me.
The closing of my devotion is what got me though:

She made quite a spectacle of herself that day. I can imagine that it took her a long while to make her plans and then to carry them out.

I'm prone to say, "What courage." But no. It wasn't courage that drove Joanna to Simon's house.  It was love.

And so the unnamed harlot lives on through biblical history . . . while princes and procurators and scribes and Pharisees, mighty men and strong men and wise men and rich men, are all long since forgotten. Her only claim to fame? 
She loved [too] much.


I added the too because that's how I read it first and what made me smile. We're told over and over to 'guard our hearts' and 'not get in too deep' and 'play hard to get, never let him see you sweat'. All the silly girl love stuff is laughed at and I'm chalked up to being naive and far too hopeful. 


I once read that it's not what you did or achieved that people remember but how you made them feel.
If my greatest demise in this lifetime is loving too much, so be it. 

-Tiana

I'm just a girl and I'm gonna love you whether you like it or not

Not Failure, but Low Aim is Sin

It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture.

It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure, but low aim is sin.

- Benjamin Elijah Mays

this makes me almost cry.

my dreams within me, and my seemingly wild mind. and my hopes and my desires. and my creativity and the passion. OHHHHH the passion.

i never want to stop with it. i hope that we are loved for exactly those things. the things that make us think we are "crazy" women. hah! the things that we now think are holding us back or flawed in some way.

but are dreams make us who we are, unique and precious. they give us hope for prettier days. a fancy lil tea cup dangled on a string in front of my face. i worry that getting married/boyfriends/life/jobs/kids/everything else that takes up our time and thoughts—will diminish those dreams or hinder our ability to revel in our imaginations and goals. this is probably my greatest fear. i'm keenly aware of it, but i am afraid that it will happen subconsciously. has this ever happened before?? it has for me. and in those times, i'm not really myself. and im not really happy.

i'm happy when im blabbing on about the fine details (down to the weather and taste of marinara) of my imaginary trip to italia. i'm happy when im wearing my oxfords and rocking an outfit that totally doesn't match. i'm happy when my room is covered ceiling to floor with visual overload because I CAN'T get enough. i'm happy when im twirling out of control on the dance floor. i'm happy when im praying on my floor in muslim/yogi position for extended periods of time. and i'm happy when i'm deciding on babies names like it's the end of the world and their birth certificate is sitting blank in front of me.

GIRLS let yourself dream. go for it. go for it all. live big and live the life you want. let your minds wander to the gorgeous places you will go. let yourself grow and become that woman.

write your goals. prioritize what is personal to you. in that, there is happiness.

i'm just a girl and i'm aiming a lil higher.

desiree

Throw this in mama's recipe book

"Don't laugh at a youth for her affections; she is only trying on one face after another to find a face of her own."

-Logan Pearsall Smith

Sometimes I want to believe that I've arrived. That I'm 'there' and I've 'made it'.

After all, isn't 24[ish] where we looked forward to as being grown-up finally? Where you no longer have to be looked down on or 'bless your heart'-ed...where stuff just works finally? 

Err, wrong.

Yes, fake it 'til you make it will still continue to be my motto but I also realize I need to cut myself some slack-even when other's won't.  You're never going to be this or that enough, there is always going to be something you have yet to learn or an experience someone else had before you got the chance. This is actually exciting because it means I'm not dead yet.

woo hoo!

I'm young but not naive and life is happening each and every day. Just let it man. 

My life is being orchestrated perfectly (big ups to The Big Man, doing an excellent job even though I whine through a lot of it) and my wisdom will come. He's only giving me what I can handle, small doses of smarts at a time so as not to OD.

I'm still being mixed and simmered and spiced to taste. Let me marinate because it's going to get even better.

-Tiana

I'm just a girl and I don't need cooking lessons, thanks.

Once Upon A Time...

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know.

-Snow White

And this my friends, is why it all began...
Here we go girls!